I Put Santa On The Naughty List


Dear Santa,

I’ve been thinking about the naughty list and I’ve decided to put you on it this year.  It all started last weekend when I took the kids to the toy section of Target.  They’d been faithfully earning spending money for the last four months and a chance to do a little Christmas shopping.  My daughter picked out a seemingly innocent Doc McStuffins toy and gleefully brought it home.  Of course, I’ve opened enough toys over the years to anticipate the fight that would be upon me from the packaging.  But I had no idea.  You think the Elf on the Shelf is up to shenanigans; the little elves who packed this toy were all full of naughty!  For those who are well-versed in toy packaging, they wouldn’t be surprised if I told you this toy was secured by a myriad of strings, twisty ties, plastic hooks, and tons of tape.  But would you believe me when I told you this was literally screwed to the package?  And not with ordinary screws.  Little, tiny, miniature screws that require a specialty screwdriver.  It took me more than thirty minutes to get at least two screws loosened without stripping them.  A few of those minutes were spent contemplating whether my children could play with the toy while continuing to be affixed to the cardboard package.

I stewed about that for a few days and eventually moved on…until I got a phone call yesterday that you wanted to deliver a package for my husband a little early.  My husband had been talking about wanting a commercial-grade, Cajun deep-fryer.  I am not philosophically opposed to enjoying deep-fried delights every now and then, but I just couldn’t see the financial return for such a spend.  It would mean we would have to deep-fry our meals every night for years to make it financially reasonable, and trust me, my derrière can’t handle that.  Plus, I didn’t like the idea of our back yard looking and smelling like McDonald’s.  So I’ve been pushing back and crushing these dreams for months now.  Until yesterday…You undermined me and went behind my back.  Now we have a huge deep fryer awaiting grease and Twinkies.

But don’t worry Santa, I’m not really all that mad.   I still love Christmas and it seems that dreams do come true during this season of magic.  I’ve even realized by these complaints alone, I have yet again made this season about me.  And it’s not.  And I’m the naughty one.  My family is thrilled with their toys and it fills me with joy to see them smile.  Santa, isn’t it funny that we all manage to be naughty?  We just can’t help it.  It occurs to me that this list has truly disappeared.  So no need to worry, Jesus died for every name on that list.  Now that’s the real magic of the season!